Journal (Year 1)

As a part of my involvement in the University Research Scholars Program, I have been tasked with writing a journal entry that reflects on my freshman year. Thus, I have included some of my thoughts below. 

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This year has been exactly nothing like what I could have predicted. I came to the University of Florida with existing aspirations and expectations. Nonetheless, they were completely thwarted. It is weird to attribute so much of my own personal growth and accomplishments to my existence as a student, yet being a student at UF is ultimately what has transformed me. 

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When I walked onto campus at the beginning of the year, I was incredibly overwhelmed. I did not realize then just how much discomfort I would experience. It was incredibly challenging to manage being a student with the expectation of being social and amicable all of the time. It was challenging to participate in classes when all I wanted to do was remain silent. It was challenging to present myself to be calm and level-headed when all I felt was anxiety. However, these challenges, though things I still struggle with, have brought me an overwhelming sense of liberation in my attempts to conquer them with vulnerability. It was only when I opened myself up to attending events, making plans, and sending dozens of cold emails that I was able to tackle the challenges I was facing. 

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The most significant thing that I have learned is that nothing rivals honesty. It is so challenging to be honest and to admit what I don’t know or lack– especially when I am surrounded by such high-achieving people. Yet, the experiences that have shaped me the most have been the times that I have learned from others: in monthly lab meetings, at parties that I was scared of attending, and during professional development conversations that I was hesitant to join. I truly believe that everyone has a so-called “fun fact” that is yet to be discovered and learned. 

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Now, I look forward to the next academic year. I want to continue being vulnerable. I am excited to continue working as a student researcher in the two labs that I am currently in: a Lepidoptera systematics lab and a genomics lab. I know now that I need to communicate my schedule and availability with complete honesty and realism. In order to maintain the involvement that I enjoy, it is important for me to not spread myself too thin. I have learned that though I am a student, I am a person first. Boundaries are important and I hope to establish them as necessary in the year to come.